On Women

Florence Nightingale 1820 - 1910

"Women have no sympathy . . . And my experience of women is almost as large as Europe. And it is so intimate too. Women crave for being loved, not for loving. They scream at you for sympathy all day long, they are incapable of giving any in return for they cannot remember your affairs long enough to do so."

Friedrich Nietzsche

"When a woman becomes a scholar there is usually something wrong with her sexual organs."

Rupert Hughes

"Women's intuition is the result of millions of years of not thinking."

Oscar Wilde

"As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied." Erica Jong "Show me a woman who doesn't feel guilt and I'll show you a man."

Agatha Christie

"An archaeologist is best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her."

WC Fields

"Women are like elephants. Everyone likes to look at them but no-one likes to have to keep one."

Groucho Marx

"Women should be obscene and not heard." "A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke." "Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife."

Jeffrey Bernard

"Women should have labels on their foreheads saying, 'Government Health Warning: women can seriously damage your brains, genitals, current account, confidence, razor blades, and good standing among your friends'."

HL Mencken

"Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another."

Leo Tolstoy

"When I have one foot in the grave, I will tell the whole truth about women. I shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me and say, 'Do what you like now'."

Leonardo Di Vinci

"Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel."

Lewis Grizzard

"I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house."

Aristotle

"The appropriate age for marriage is around eighteen for girls and thirty-seven for men."

Tony Curtis

"I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife."

George Burns

"Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means."

Sacha Guitry

"When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her."

Socrates

"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher."

Jimmy Durante

"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe."